Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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