That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
