so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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