he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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