why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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