I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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