This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
