So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
