I am puke
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
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