Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
