I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
