the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
