She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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