JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
