Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
