Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
