my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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