I am in a vortex of obligation.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i believe in u and ur pee
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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