its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
