handjob tips. give me some.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You took a bar mat shot.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
ok first of all what the fuck
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
