we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
