all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
