cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
