I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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