Already got asked if we're dating
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
