I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
