used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
