I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
