You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
