It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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