And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
