Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
