okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
