another moral hangover. fuck.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
