they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
