I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
there's paper in my vomit.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
