I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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