This is not my ceiling
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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