My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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