so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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