I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
50% drunk capacity currently
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
