I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
