Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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