his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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