after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize