I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
