im having a threesome with these popsicles
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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