speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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