I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
