Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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