**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
