pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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