Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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