Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
