Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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