Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
