when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
