Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My balls are so social today.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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