I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize