carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
