I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
