I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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