I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
