It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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