Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
