Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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