So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i think my cat just said my name.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
