I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
