yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
