I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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