I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
