Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
