Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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