these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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