Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
