The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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